SoulContact – even in the midst of a fight!


SoulContact skizze pair

SoulContact – even in the midst of a fight!

SoulContact. Most probably you are familiar with this situation: You are in a challenging situation with someone important to you. There is a deep silence, no contact possible… maybe even a “deadly silence” since this person has gone and transitioned.

And you are suffering with all this disharmony. You are angry, but you don’t want to hurt the other person. You are disappointed and sad. And you are doing the very best you can solving the problem by yourself. There is just one thing missing and that is not small: the interaction and contact with that other person. But exactly that seems impossible right now…

What ever the scenario might be you are finding yourself in, it is important to remember that there is a way out, no matter how deep the silence and abyss!

On a Soul level we are always connected…

…always. No matter the problem. It is impossible for us not to be connected. But it is possible to experience ourselves as disconnected.

Everything is energy. That includes us. And that includes our „arch-enemy“, too.

There is an energetic bond, a connection and line that is always available, whether we use it consciously or not. And this energetic connection does not know death, either… Since the soul never dies the soul-connection is eternal, we are connected, in our essence.

Now, what does that mean practically?

How can this spiritual truth serve us when we are in a fight with a loved one? When we are angry and disappointed?

It means that we can consciously choose to voice all those feelings – just for ourselves to begin with. To get real. The more authentic and unfiltered, the better!

We can do this in an imaginary conversation or discussion with the other person while we go for a walk or sit in a cafe, drive or work out. And yes, even wash the dishes or doing the shores! Giving voice to what sits inside gets the stuck energy moving.

That is the first and such an important step!


Emotions are energy-in-motion. E-motions. When those energies are stuck, we feel disconnected and cut off. To consciously get them going is the key! That means: to freely express them in a safe setting. To express what is there, without a filter, without the head kicking in, suppression those feelings with spiritual truths such as “all is love” or “I shouldn’t be that negative, really!” etc. This can even lead to an outburst of aggression, obviously in an appropriate environment where nobody gets hurt. Hitting a cushion or a boxing bag can be helpful, running, swimming, excercising in general.

All feelings are welcome. That includes tears, yelling and so called “inappropriate language”. Everything that get the energy moving is allowed.

For those of us who have less pressure or simply likes it quieter, it is a good thing to pull out your journal or just grab pen and paper or open a document and write a letter to that very person. A letter you won´t send, but a letter that expresses your current feeling state. Unfiltered.

Once the first outburst is over, there is relief! And with a wink we realize: good that we have been by ourselves in that moment! Good for us that we didn’t actually send that letter!

A considerable portion of the work is done, what is still needed is the face to face meeting and truth telling with that very person.

Maybe there will be a few more in-mind conversations, a few more letters to be written, before we take the ultimate step and action.

The aspects that truly matter has become clear. We are less emotional, are coming from a place we have consciously chosen. We are responding instead of reacting.

Because of that inner work and process, the upcoming face to face meeting (or ultimate letter) tend to take place with ease. There is usually no need to fully express all emotions and hurt feelings and since the existing pressure has found a way out already, the interaction is more rational, open and solution orientated.

A question I often get asked in my classes and workshop is: How can I know I don´t hurt that other person energetically when I express my feelings? How can I be sure that I don´t get back what I have been sending out??

I love this question and it is more than fair to ask.

When we feel hurt by someone, no matter if it is a new wound or an old injury being touched again, all we feel is hurt. Maybe even anger, hatred, frustration, disappointment… These energies are present, no matter if we are aware of them or suppress them. Energy cannot be destroyed, just transformed.

Since our process is happening on an energetic level, the other person involved will receive and might even sense our outburst to some extent. And this energy will do something with that person, will touch them, wake them up… no matter in what ways, there will be a message for them. And this message, ultimately, will serve their highest purpose.

When we safely express our hurt feelings for the purpose of finding clarity and not “bathing in negativity” the process itself is one of liberation and thus positive. We can set the intention of this expressing being one that serves the higher good of all involved and that it may be like the cleansing we experience after a thunderstorm.

The sun behind a cloudy sky…

What I have found very helpful, both on a personal and professional level is the knowing that we are, on a SoulLevel, always connected and even in a loving way, no matter the circumstances we are in as human beings having our time here on earth. What I mean by saying SoulLevel is the level of consciousness where we are all one, the spiritual part of us, the Divinity present in each and every one of us. On this level we would never hurt each other nor being able to do so since love is all there is.

Knowing about this divine part in all of us we can consciously connect with the Soul of each other, no matter the current circumstances we are in.

I practice I love and recommend is to take time and connect with your own Soul and from that connection to reach out to the Soul of that other.

How does that work, practically?

By setting the intention to connect with your Soul, by simply and powerfully stating: “I am now connecting with my Soul!” knowing, that we all are, always, connected with that higher part of us, whether we feel and experience it or not. You might want to place a hand upon your heart, to feel the love that is within and from that feeling place connecting with the heart of the other person. You might want to picture a golden bridge or thread between the two of you.

“I know we are connected in love, even though I am feeling hurt right now. I know we are connected on a SoulLevel, even though I am feeling hatred towards you…”

What looks like a paradox here, having two feelings at the same time that couldn´t be any more contradictive, can be called Divine Dichotomy. On one hand there are our human emotions and on the other we experience Divine connection.

In this context I like to think of the sun which is always shining and present, even behind a cloudy sky. Just because we don´t see the sun it does not mean it is not there. I remember the time in my life when I looked for Soul contact with my father just after having reported the sexual abuse I had suffered in my childhood to the police. It was a process that seemed to tear me apart at the beginning… but with some practice and in the end it offered me one of the most spiritual experiences in my life when I visited him at his coffin…

SoulContact – Practical steps:

When you are in a conflicting situation with someone important in your life, in a situation you want to solve, you might want to try those five steps:

  1. Be honest. Speak and express your truth in a safe environment. Uncensored. Authentically. You might want to do this verbally or in written form.
  2. Give yourself some time to integrate.
  3. Sit down and write (another) letter to that person and take a look at how your feelings have transformed already and what shifts in consciousness have taken place.
  4. You might want to repeat step 2 and 3 as often as you need until you find a place of acceptance and relief.
  5. Contact that person physically and ask for a time together or send this letter you have written finally off.

It is important to remember to treat yourself in a loving way throughout this process. Be your best buddy. Appreciate your inner work and willingness to transform and change and be the best version of yourself, for the benefit of all.

It is a precious aspect of yourself… see and honour it as such!

This is a link to a YouTube video that covers this subject in depth:

Mit Abspielen des Videos stimmen Sie einer Übertragung von Daten an Youtube zu. Bitte beachten Sie die Datenschutzerklärung.

Ursula Schulenburglogo-schulenburg
Autorin, Dozentin, Heilpraktikerin, Life Coach und führt ihr online Business Soulcentered Evolution.

Alle Beiträge der Autorin auf Spirit Online


Ursula Schulenburg
ist Leiterin des „Instituts für bewusste Lebensgestaltung“, das schwerpunktmäßig online seine Dienstleistungen anbietet, arbeitet als Autorin, Dozentin, Heilpraktikerin und Life Coach.
Als Gründungsmitglied des Opferschutzvereins El Faro e.V. engagiert sie sich für Menschen, die Missbrauch und Trauma erleben mussten. Es ist ihr wichtig, mehr Licht, Klarheit und Transparenz in dieses dunkle Thema zu bringen und ihm auch öffentlich eine Stimme zu geben. Dies tut sie u.a. über regelmäßige Vorträge und Beiträge in sozialen Medien (u.a. YouTube

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